Monday, April 12, 2010

How do you deal with snide comments from classmates?

I'm 17 years old and started an excerise and fitness college course just over a month ago. I'm getting horrible remarks because i'm not able to keep up with the practical work (excercise). I'm a recovering anorexic, my BMI is still classed as 'underweight'. Although i've put on a lot of weight since i've got better, and getting nearer to the 'average' mark, it's left me with a lot of health problems and has damaged my insides. So I find cardio work very hard. I often have to step to one side, and the girls make snide comments that i'm lazy, and moan to my tutor that she's letting me get away without doing any work. I'm pretty sure my tutor thinks i'm lazy too. My tutor and classmates dont know about my 'condition', and I don't want to tell them because i'm trying to move on. I go out running everyday at my own pace so I can gradually get fitter, so i'm trying my best. But no one sees it that way. What should I do about the critism i'm getting?

How do you deal with snide comments from classmates?
I appreciate you have worked really hard to get to this point, probably a lot harder than some of your class mates to maintain their fitness.


I think you should tell your tutor, for 2 reasons. Firstly it will give her an understanding as to your fitness level, secondly it will give her an insight to your strength of character. Express that you're not doing it for the sympathy but so she can help you keep up this regime.


As for the others, ignore it. You are far stronger inside than they realise. If you were not you would not have got this far.


You're a survivor, my dear, and well done for this achievement.
Reply:Maybe at the end of one of your classes you could turn to some of them and say, wow, you guys are really good at this...I'm having a hard time keeping up! I lost a lot of muscle mass with a health problem I used to have, but I hope I can be as good as you some day....kill them with kindness while letting them know you are NOT lazy and you are trying. Maybe they will be a little more sympathetic. In the meantime, try eating more proteins to build your muscles back up.
Reply:People generally are annoyed at what seems like thoughtless behaviour. People have different stamina levels, and for different reasons. For a start, they should respect you for that anyway, whether they know you used to be anorexic or not.





Also, it might be a bit of jealous as (not to sound offensive) you're probably a bit thinner than they are, which could possibly be making them feel large in comparison.





I don't think you should tell them about your 'condition' unless you really feel the need to, it's understandable that you don't want to tell them - and that's perfectly fine.





The best way to go about dealing with them is to try and ignore them, half of the reason they are doing it is to get attention from you and to see a reaction. They're just being insensitive and bitchy - don't let that get you down.





I do Performing Arts and it's a lot of physical work too, and I have low blood pressure, making me feint if I do too much work, but at the beginning I couldn't do very much at all, and the rest of the class always mentioned it to the teacher. I suppose I solved this by letting people know that I had a problem - but it's not the only way to solve it.
Reply:How come you chose an exercise and fitness course when you are not able to do the practical work? Perhaps you should be studying something that you are able to do. I can understand why the other students think you are lazy if you are not completing the same work as they have to. They do not know your reasons why you are not doing it so what else will they think? Even if they knew the reason why you are unable to do the practical work, then they may still think that perhaps you should have delayed the course until you were recovered enough to do it properly. I know I would. You will just have to ignore their comments and do your best to do the work as much as you are able.
Reply:Ignore your silly classmates - you have come through far more than them and shown real strength of character. I think you should tell your tutor in confidence about the anorexia - she should know of anything that could hinder your coursework. She might well be able to help.





If she knows your condition she will be in a position to step in and stop these silly little bullies - though she should have been doing that anyway.





See these idiots for what they are and don't take any notice. You'll do OK.
Reply:Ignore them, in a few years time they will be long gone and you will have a fantastic life ahead of you.





Really they don't matter!
Reply:Sit down and have an honest talk with the tutor. You don't have to explain it to your classmates, but you should (somewhat) explain it to your tutor. You are under no obligation to disclose everything, but what you should say is that you have a medical condition that caused you some internal damage. Tell him/her that you feel are doing your best to keep up with everything and ask if there is anything s/he can suggest you do (maybe in the way of strength training) to improve your endurance. In any event make it clear that your effort is sincere and that you are concerned aboput the comments and the perception from yor classmates. Whatever else happens do not overdo it trying to impress anyone in the class, you owe them no explanation and you do not want to further jeopardize your health. Good luck!
Reply:You could neutralize a lot of their negativity by being nice to them even when they're being perceivably mean. This is mostly done by body language moreso than what you'll say to them. Also, unless you're going to tell them about your condition, they'll think you're normal. Excellent! That's what you want. So take it as a compliment. Isn't "Lazy person" better than "recovering anorexic"? So take that as a step in the proper direction and keep doing the things you're doing to improve health. Proper nutrition will make the road seem so much shorter, because recovery will be quick when you do that now. Try to really FEEL healthy. Because you mostly act on how you feel moreso than what you think you want. If you're saying you want to be healthy or fit. You're really saying I don't have any of those things and isn't that a terrible thing. Rather see yourself different and pretend like you're playing a game that you're already and healthy and fit. WIthout limiting psychology around you, it should make things that much easier. By all means if you need to stop or rest, stop and rest, but just make sure you don't believe the stop and rest is due to any health maladies. Believe it's just because for the moment you're not fully in shape. But soon you will be. And with that kind of hope and positive direction for yourself, things will get better fast. You have to intend for things to work out, and when you really believe and think and act all on that level, when all systems are go - so to speak, then you'll be on the fast track to wherever you're point. In this case, to health, fitness, and vitality.
Reply:If you're unwilling to tell them about your condition then all you can do is ignore them.


They are judging by what they see, which is a typical trait with most people.


I think you should at least tell your tutor.





Good luck
Reply:If you don't tell them, then you will just have to grin and bear the comments. They don't have any cause to think you are anything other than lazy, do they?
Reply:I think that is horrible of them to make judgments. I somewhat understand. I have a health condition that no one can see, and it can cause me to not be able to keep up with the world on some days. Since you don't want to say anything to them, just keep doing what you are doing and try your best to ignore them and know that you are bettering yourself! Realize that they do not know your condition, and people will always talk, but you are taking steps to recovery! You should be proud of yourself! Stay strong and know that you are on the right path.
Reply:You're doing really well doing a bit of running on your own. However, you do need good 'fuel' ie nutrition for all this physical activity and to bring yourself back to full health. I hope you're following advice given on this. You might just want to have a word with your tutor in confidence. If she is aware of your situation, she may be able to offer some helpful advice. Unless you tell your classmates, you will have to put up with the snide remarks. However, even if they know the reason why, they might continue to do this as they are ignorant. be gentle on yourself and I hope you never starve yourself again. We all need fuel,but make it good food (with the odd treat!).
Reply:Ignore them. Smile often - you know the truth and thats all that matters!
Reply:I know it must hurt--but just try to ignore them or maybe even agree with them--if you do not want to tell your medical condition. I have found if you can take the teasing and insults--to agree --sometimes they just go on and forget it. If they see it is affecting you--they will continue.Go at your own pace. Good luck. You are doing great. Keep it up.
Reply:Everyone struggles with something. It just shows that you have good willpower to continue with something you find difficult. Perhaps you could talk to your tutor in confidence, that's what matters - your course - what other participants think of you isn't as important, but it is if it's upsetting you. Keep at it and you will improve.


Smile - it makes people wonder what you're up to!!!
Reply:sounds like jealousy...possibly they envy your weight over theirs....ignore it and just keep focusing on yourself
Reply:I know it's hard but the best thing is to just ignore these ignorant remarks and do the best that you can do for YOURSELF. As long as you feel you are trying your hardest try to rise above it. And remember, success is the best revenge.


Try talking to your real friends about it and they will make you feel better.


Good Luck with your course and keep on keeping on.


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